you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
