Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
