I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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