Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
