after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
