you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
