I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
