brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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