No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize