Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
