So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
