woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
