oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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