By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize