don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You have to summon your inner elephant
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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