you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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