I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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