I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
