you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You took a bar mat shot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
