I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
