dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
