I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
