walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its about making memories worth repressing
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
