I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
