She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize