Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
