I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
