he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
