is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize