I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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