Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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