I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
