i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
