I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
