BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
