last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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