I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
