I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
