k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
