windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
