oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
