Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
