did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
