Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
