I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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