We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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