Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
