my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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