Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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