Non-Jews are for practice
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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