When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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