did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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