here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
