I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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