Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
