Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
