She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
