I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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