capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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