Will you blow on my dice?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
