you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
