i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize