The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
